Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
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I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
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Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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