a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
