So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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