I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
