I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Randomize
