I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
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I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
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A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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