Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
