what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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