Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
