Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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