remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
