I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
