he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
