You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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