May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
