he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
