I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Randomize
