My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
