make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
