Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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