He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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