So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
