I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize
