my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
