Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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