I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
