A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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