I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Fuck me I smell like cheese
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
