I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
