have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
