i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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