Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
