I'm gonna have a badass scar
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
