I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
