Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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