apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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