Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
