Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
