I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
