dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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