Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I'm passing your future prison.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
