Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
