Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
