I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
