HIV tests are more positive than that guy
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
