i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
