he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
