I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
