I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
