I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
