My entire life is one complicated drinking game
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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