good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
