i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
