Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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