I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
