how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
