Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
