yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
