I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
