i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
