remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
