im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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