I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
