They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
