I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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