I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
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