watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
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After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
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I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
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