1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
