you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
