Do you still have your period?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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