I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Is it penis luge time yet?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
