Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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