I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
